Published in Sibyl Magazine July, 2018
This past year has been a practice of Being in the Not Knowing. After 35 years of marriage, my life is undergoing a foundational shift. All of the old ways of doing things are up for renegotiation. Some friends comment that after 35 years, they thought we’d have it figured out. Others confide that they, too, are considering divorce.
I am deeply aware that our soul contract as a married couple is over. We’ve raised three great children together. We’ve introduced each other to ways of thinking and being that were a far cry from the ways we were raised. We’ve explored a myriad of holistic healthcare and alternative spirituality modalities and concepts together. We’ve experienced the joys and traumas of most long-term couples. And now, we are choosing to part ways as we continue on our unique paths.
We’ve chosen a collaborative divorce process where we work together for the best outcome for each of us. We are walking through this transition with a minimum of drama, in no small part due to all the personal work we’ve done over the years. That’s the big picture, and it can sound so simple.
And yet, I wonder how things will look moving forward
Our home of 28 years is on the market. I wonder how long will it take to sell and where I will live once it’s gone. A part of me wants to race ahead, make plans, and purchase a new home so I can recreate the old feelings of stability. But increasingly, another part is curious and in awe of the unexpected possibilities that are opening up. Maybe I want to take a year or more to travel. Maybe I can set up my practice in a way that works without bricks and mortar. I wonder what holidays will look like, especially as we move into new romantic relationships. I wonder how this is impacting our children, both negatively and positively. I look forward to the people, places and experiences that await me in this next phase. What an opportunity.
Already, I am relishing the freedom of making decisions without needing to consider a partner. I’ve pulled countless cords out of my relationship and rooted them back into my own heart’s desires. I’ve found more space and energy to put into my work, friendships, even fun. I had become so used to thinking there were certain things that would never change for the rest of my life. Which is ironic, since I teach about the Cycles of Change and the Spiral Path.
This transition has required me to call on all the tools I’ve learned and taught over the years. Nurturing in Water, taking care of details in Earth, harnessing Fire to keep moving forward and recreate my life, knowing when it is time to let go into Spirit and surrender. Trusting that eventually I will move into Air and live out my next soul purpose. This past year has been about Being in the Not Knowing.